How to upgrade from boyfriend to husband

Dear Housewife,
>
>
>First keep in
> mind:
>
>Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while
> Husband 1.0 is an operating
> system.
>
>Try entering the command C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED
> ME and download
>Tears 6.2 to install Guilt
> 3.0.
>
>If all works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then
> automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers
> 3.5.
>
>But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to
> default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Late Night Teh Tarik
> 6.1.
>
>Late Night 6.1 is a very bad program that will
> create SnoringLoudly.wav files.
>
>Whatever you do, DO NOT install
> Mother-in-Law 1.0 or reinstall
> another
>Boyfriend program. These are not supported
> applications and will crash
>Husband
> 1.0.
>
>In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but
> it does have a limited
>memory and cannot learn new
> applications quickly.
>
>You might consider additional
> software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot
>Tasty
> Food 3.0 and Tongkat Ali 6.9.
>

Source:Hotmail Inbox.

Medical Jokes

Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears
Shakey went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. "you gotta help me, I'm going crazy!"

"Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."

"How much do you charge?"

"A hundred dollars per visit."

"I'll sleep on it," said Shakey.

Six months later the doctor met Shakey on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.

"For a hundred buck's a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars."

"Is that so! How?"

"He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"
.........................................................................................................................................................................

Medical Jokes

This guy goes to the doctor for a checkup, and after some tests, the doctor comes in with a grave look on his face.

Doctor: Well, I have some bad news and some really bad news.

Guy: Well, give me the really bad news first.

Doctor: You have cancer, and only 6 months to live.

Guy: And the bad news?

Doctor: You have Alzheimer's disease.

Guy: Thank God. I was afraid I had cancer!

.................................................................................................................................................................

Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.

Doctor: Tell me about your problem.

Patient: I just did, didn't I, you stupid SOB!!!!!

................................................................................................................................................................

A veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. The doctor asked her all the usual questions, about symptoms, how long had they been occurring, etc., when she interrupted him: "Hey look, I'm a vet - I don't need to ask my patients these kind of questions: I can tell what's wrong just by looking. Why can't you?" The doctor nodded, looked her up and down, wrote out a prescription, and handed it to her and said, "There you are. Of course, if that doesn't work, we'll have to have you put down."

Medical Jokes

An invisible man is here to see you

Nurse: Doctor, there is an invisible man in your waiting room.

Doctor: Tell him I can't see him now. Next.

What should I do then?

Patient: Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up five more points?

Doctor: Sell!

Would you please do me a favor?

A dentist, after completing work on a patient, came to him begging.

Dentist: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?

Patient: Why? Docor, it wasn't all that bad this time.

Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don't want to miss the four o'clock ball game.

A very interesting fact

Doctor: Did you know that there are more than 1,000 bones in the human body?

Larry: Shhh, doctor! There are three dogs outside in the waiting room!

Medical Jokes

A List of Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery:

Oops!
Has anyone seen my watch?
Come back with that! Bad Dog!
Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingy
What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change!
Damn, there go the lights again...
Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.
What do you mean, he's not insured?
Let's hurry, I don't want to miss "Bay Watch"
What do you mean "You want a divorce"!
FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!

Medical Jokes

Good news and Bad news jokes

Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news. Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first. Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live. Patient: 24 hours! That's terrible! What could be worse? What's the very bad news? Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.

---

Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here? Doctor: You've had an accident involving a train. Patient: What happened? Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first? Patient: Well... The bad news first... Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them. Patient: That's terrible! What's the good news? Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers.

Medical Jokes

A man goes to the doctor and says to the doctor:
"It hurts when I press here" (pressing his side)
"And when I press here" (pressing the other side)
"And here" (his leg)
"And here, here and here" (his other leg, and both arms)

So the doctor examined him all over and finally discovered what was wrong... "You've got a broken finger!

Medical Jokes

Let a smile brighten up your day!!!

While making his rounds, a doctor points out an x-ray to a group of medical students.

�As you can see,� he says, �the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched.�

The doctor turns to one of the students and asks, �What would you do in a case like this?�

�Well,� ponders the student, �I suppose I�d limp, too.- www.halfthedeck.com